Being A Stay-At-Home Mom Doesn't Feel Like Its Enough!

We've all been there.

We hear people say all the time "Being a mom IS a job" and "you may not get paid money, but you get paid in love" well, let me just say, as a stay-at-home mom of two kids, sometimes that just doesn't feel like its enough. AND THATS OKAY!

Some nights I'm up all night with my toddler or my infant, because lets face it, kids can be little little jerks, you know they're tired, they know they're tired but they'd rather scream for hours than to admit that you're right and to go to sleep.

Most days my toddler, G, is up WAY before my brain can function, especially on lack of sleep.

Before I can even sneak out of the room, G, usually wakes up S, my 2 month old, so there's a 30 minute nurse session first thing while an anxious toddler waits (un)patiently for her to finish.

I always try to make well rounded meals, hello, I'm a Beachbody Coach, right...?

Usually involves something with eggs and turkey.

Confession: I'm a terrible cook.

I sit at the kitchen table while he eats, S in one arm and a very strong cup of coffee on the other, occasionally leaning over to "persuade" him that he's supposed to eat the eggs, not wear them and not feed them to the dog. After about 30 minutes and a threat of a time out later, breakfast is done. 

Ha! Done, such a funny word. As is anything in my day is ever "done". 

Then it's time to go outside, we live in Texas so by 8am it's literally on the verge of 90 in the summer. I beg and plead for him to come inside by 10. Seriously, I'm melting! (Does that make me a wicked witch?) Even though I TRY to stay in the shade, at least every 5 minutes he's asking for something. "Mom. Jump. (Trampoline) Mom. Run. Mom. Drink. Mom. Millie (dog). Mom. Pickles. (4-legged child) Mom. Ice." Yeah, all of that while holding a 2 month old. 

We come in, most of the time it encompasses kicking and screaming. Seriously, toddler. That is all. 

He wants a snack right about the time S wants to nurse again so I'm throwing something together with one hand and trying not to bump S' head into anything while maneuvering around. It's harder than it sounds. 

NAP TIME!!!!

Most of the time by then he's petty worn out but some days, it's a fight. 

For about 2 hours I clean, organize, do laundry, (Facebook), try to watch the new season of Scandal on Netflix while moving from one room to the other. 

Did I mention most of this while TRYING to get S to sleep? 

It never fails, about the time she goes to sleep, he wakes up. 

Lunch. Yes, he eats a late lunch.. So what... 

Lunch runs a lot like breakfast.. Throwing food, threats, frazzled nerves and a fat dog. (Does that mean I still have to give her dog food?)

I'm hoping and praying that he doesn't wake her up. Neither of my kids do well without naps. 

3:00. Please let hubby, D, get off soon I usually text around this time and usually he's getting off but sometimes he'll say it'll be a long night. (Yay, overtime!)

Oh wait, that means I have overtime too... (Time and a half? More like tantrum and a half.)

Usually more playing outside, mild heatstroke, and a Popsicle later, husband gets home, tells me he had a long day and that he NEEDS a shower! Keep in mind, I probably haven't had a shower in days can't remember the last time I had a shower by myself. 

Time to come inside, husbands probably sat down on the couch by now and there's a 99% chance he's dozed off. Must. Be. Nice. 

"You're home all day, nap when the kids nap." Yeah, I'll cook when they cook and clean when they clean too, right?

For the people out there whose kids will sit quietly and watch tv, I hate you, seriously. I beg G just please don't bring ALL your toys in the living room! 

I usually give some kind of snack as a bargaining chip so I can cook supper in some kind of peace, whatever that is. 

Put out dinner, wake up D, eat dinner, put up dinner, nurse, dishes and attempt to rangle both children to bed before 10pm. 

*Lather. Rinse. Repeat.*

Start all again tomorrow. 

Now, that is a 24/7 job. I love every minute of it, except when I'm paying the bills.  D works a second job so I don't see him for weeks; He's exhausted by the time he gets home, legitimately, he works more than anyone I know so that we can afford for me to stay home with the kids. 

But at the end of the day when you're exhausted, he's exhausted and the bills are barely paid, you think to yourself, "I'm not enough". Being a mom doesn't pay the bills. Love doesn't pay the bills. 

You want so badly to be able to take some pressure off of your husband but it would make no since to pay someone $1000+ a month to watch the kids and me work to pay for daycare. 

Middle class is getting screwed. I want to go back to school, I want a good job. 

There's no way in hell we can afford for me to go to school. 

I'm not a single mother and we're middle class. You don't get money to go to school, you don't get daycare money to go to school. 

It doesn't matter if the mortgage, electricity and groceries eat your lunch and you're scraping together change to get gas for the rest of the week, you're middle class. 

Sorry, I've covered a cast array of topics here today, this is something I think about on a daily basis. I'm not alone and neither are you.